have been somewhat of a rollercoaster ride. So much and so little has happened. And now I’m about to write all of this to nobody. But to be honest, I don’t really care. This way at least I’ve got it out of me, so I don’t implode or explode or whatever it is that I usually do.
I graduated high school, completed my HSC and ended 13 years worth of work in a matter of days. If you (yes you, imaginary reader) haven’t experienced this feeling before, let me tell you it is amazing. It feels fantastic…for a while.
Because the next stage of life is more daunting than any that have come before. Independence. And university life. At least for me anyway. I had felt so ready to move on, but once I was out of school and facing a new life I was, to put it simply, shit scared.
The emotional scales of my life swayed and shook a bit before dropping significantly under the weight of grief and mourning when my grandmother passed away between Christmas and New Years. I became fairly bogged down in my mourning, and it was a horrible time which lasted a fair few months. I am still trying to come to terms with what I’ve lost.
The transition from high school to university is something I wasn’t prepared for. Not only for the amount of work and lifestyle of being a uni student, but the adjustments to my social life. The people I’d spent the past six years of my life with, became almost strangers for a while. And to remedy the situation? I decided to isolate myself further (cos I’m incredibly smart like that).
And then the icing on the cake was my uni experience. I was enrolled in my course of choice at my university of choice. So what an ungrateful bitch I must have seemed when I hated 98% of it. Uni fast became what high school was in the last months: something to dread. I didn’t make many friends, I spent as little time as possible there and I just didn’t get the hang of the work. I was utterly miserable.
I had no idea what to do about anything. And then all of a sudden it all changed. I dropped out of my ideal uni course, and enrolled in another at a tiny university. I deferred my start so I could have six months to myself to work, to think and to make myself happy. So here I am now. Trying to work, think and make myself happy. And you, imaginary reader, are there to follow me through it. Here we go.